“I thought it was quite unusual to see all those nationalities. I thought: is that even possible? In Yemen, we were really seen as Somalis, as different. That wasn’t nice. But in Rotterdam there are so many cultures and everyone is allowed to be themselves. And everyone gets on well with each other. So not at war with each other, as I have always seen.” Sulai experienced both the civil war in Somalia and Yemen. “The one in Somalia lasted for a very long time. Fortunately, Somalia has been safe for the past five years, but before that it was really chaos. I saw very intense things. It was beyond description.”

Emergency on the run
In ’91, he and his family and 3,000 others fled to Yemen by ship. “We were supposed to take seven days but the ship lost its way. The journey ended up taking almost about two months. “While we only had food and drink for seven days. So we had no water, nothing. But the ship was illegal, so what can you do? Many also died. So we ended up stealing food, because it was an emergency.”

Safe(r)
This is how his family arrived safely in Yemen. He was with his heavily pregnant mother, his sisters and his father. ‘We lived in Yemen for a long time, we were well served there,’ he says. Until war broke out there too. Then he fled with his family to Europe. After a month in Italy, he drove to the Netherlands with his smaller sister. “Because that’s where my bigger sister had lived for a while. That way she could teach me about this country. That made me feel safe and That made me feel safer coming here.” His parents stayed in Italy for a while, as they did not yet have enough money to all come to the Netherlands. Fortunately, they were all later reunited in the Netherlands, where the family applied for asylum.

PTSD due to silence
But in the Netherlands, Sulai was unfortunately not done moving yet. “We had to wait four months in an asylum seekers’ centre for a decision on our asylum application. If someone decided that an asylum seekers’ centre is going to close, you have to move on to the next one.” He was not allowed to live with my sister because he was already 18. Eventually, he was given a separate room, near Zwolle. “The first thing I wanted was to study. Something in healthcare, because I’m social. But that wasn’t allowed. And if you are not allowed to do anything, you start thinking about your trauma. If you do get to participate in society, you don’t get into the silence. But because that silence did come up for me, I suffered from my PTSD. And so I had to go to therapy for a very long time.” Fortunately, that helped; Sulai now copes well with his unpleasant experiences.

Not in one box
His sister lived in Rotterdam, which Sulai regularly visited by bus. “That’s where I felt at home. Because I saw different cultures there and yet everyone was connected. I also liked that people assessed my background differently: Surinamese, Portuguese… So people couldn’t push me into 1 box.” So in 2000, he decided to officially settle in Rotterdam.

Caring for each other
Fortunately, he got all the help he needed in Rotterdam. “You have several community centres and agencies that help you. You can always go somewhere if something is bothering you. People take care of each other. Especially in Delfshaven.” And he also gives that back to others. Since 2022, he has been affiliated with Zorgvrijstaat, an organisation working on caring neighbourhoods. There, he now teaches breathing classes. Because he thinks we can always help each other even better. “We can care for each other even more and form even more of a community in Rotterdam.”

Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden
He tells his story in fluent Dutch. While he has never had any classes. “I watched “Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden’ and ‘Onderweg naar Morgen’,” he explains, laughing. “Also, I had a Dutch wife, which also helps.”